Scary Night

So last night was pretty scary in our house. We don't have any definitive answers and are kind of in a wait and see pattern for now. Dante started complaining of leg/knee pain yesterday, and woke up in the middle of the night pretty upset and unable to sleep. For some children, this may appear normal (things always seem worse at night) but Dante rarely complains about anything and usually takes his bumps and bruises better than the rest. He also has a healthy fear of hospitals, so when this almost 5 year old begs to go to the hospital at 1am, you take him. To make a long story a little shorter, the doctor examined him, did a bunch of xrays and didn't see anything alarming. HOWEVER, my older brother had Legg Calve Perthese Disease when he was 7, which manifests itself as knee pain alot of times, and usually doesn't show up on initial xrays. SOOOO we are waiting, and hoping that these are just growing pains. But prayers can't hurt!

Wow - it's been a long time baby!

Here I am - it has been a while - I have had so many new things going on, I am back to work full time (for 8 months now), my kids are in school everyday - we are still plugging along at life and then out of the blue yesterday I realized that I don't want to plug along anymore.

I must work - this I realize, and while I have been good about using every extra minute with my family to the best of my ability - I think I have decided that that is not enough. I want to learn to be fully present with my family.

I read a post on one of the blogs I follow (Dig this Check) and realized that I need to learn a few things from all of the brilliant wonderful women around me. From Nici I needed to learn that I need to love my husband the way he needs to be loved, not the way I want to love him. To me, that means that I need to spend a little less time complaining when he needs to indulge his creative side and a little more time encouraging him to do it more often. And though it is a new concept, I practiced last night and I have never seen my wonderful husband more grateful.

I guess I need to learn to practice loving others the same way. My goal is to love each person in my life in the unique way they need to be loved, whether that is encouraging art, snuggling at 3am or spending an extra hour with the "big boy" after his sister has gone to bed.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Horrible

That is how I will describe my first Skype with my babies....I had a good day at the new job training, got to know a couple of the people, was so excited to come home, turned on the computer and waited for the familiar sound of Skype requesting my attention. I was so excited..there on the screen were my two beautiful children being held by my wonderful husband. Then my daughter saw me. She immediatley started to cry and say "up mama" requesting that I pick her up. I faltered and started to cry - then with a gentle reminder from my husband I put on a happy face but nothing seemed to work, what had I done to her - my son would barely talk to me....what had I done to him? We kept the conversation short and I attempted to drown my guilt in a hot bath but here I am pruned and still feeling guilty. Guilt - my cross to bear as a mom. Maybe now I will go to bed.

New Things

I had to write this post quickly this morning - even though I have3 to jump in the shower. I am in Waukegan, IL for training for a new job. My beautiful journey of being a stay at home mom is over and I am back to work, I enjoyed being a SAHM and while I will appreciate the freedom and individuality and financial security that comes with working I will especially miss all day jammie days and hours long snuggles.

As I flew across the country yesterday my heart was breaking. I tried not to be that stranger travelling alone who blubbered the entire flight and kept my tears in but through late flights and long lines at the car rental counter I missed my chance to Skype my babies last night and my heart broke a little more.

Please don't get me wrong, I know this is a great new opportunity for me and while wonderful those new things are often scary and make us stretch who we are to become better. I will become better, this I am sure, however, in the process I will miss my husband and my babies like nobody's business......

Roots and Wings

The two most important things we can give our children. I have spent the last 7 months helping their root systems...holding them close and letting them know who and what they will always need - that their family is their root - we will be strong and hold them when they need it.......soon I will give them wings.

My beautiful journey as a stay at home mom is soon to end. I have been interviewing at a company and I believe it is going well and I will have an offer soon. I have researched and searched and found a daycare that I believe will offer them the best possible environment to learn and grow, to spread their wings.

I am so proud to have been able to spend this time with them, I am so grateful for every month we struggled to pay the mortgage so that I could hold and snuggle them a little longer, I am so grateful for a supportive husband who listened to me complain about money and rave about being home. I belive that these have been some of the most important times of all of our lives.

So, now that you have roots my beautiful children, jump and discover your wings....

Forever

I know it has been forever since I have posted....I guess I feel like I didn't have too much to say. Our lives are happy - we are trying to learn how to make it on less money - and not doing a very good job most of the time. i am looking for something to bring in a little extra money and help make ends meet, but in the meantime we are going to pumpkin patches, playing in leaves, stomping in puddles and loving fall.....breathe in the scent of those fall leaves - they won't last forever.

The 3rd

It has been months since I have posted, not sure anyone reads the posts anyway, but I felt compelled to write. First, I read a post by Kelle, then I felt the urge to purge my feelings into this blog. My first born child, my sweet, sensitive, rough and tumble little boy is going to be 3 on Saturday, and for some reason it just hit me and I am surging with a range of emotions. Sadness - can the little baby that taught me about motherhood and uncompromising love really not be a baby anymore? Pride - this little soul is so kind and caring, always praising a good job, whether it is his sister saying a word for the first time or a man on our neighborhood walk painting a boat. Unexpressable Love - 'nough said, and a little bit of fear - how do I know that what I am doing to mold and shape him is right? How do I sleep assured that he will continue to care about others, to be a responsible steward of this earth ("that box is recycle mom" as I go to throw something away) and know that we love him more than we ever thought possible?

I guess we never know, so this is where faith comes in. His father and I are doing the best job we can to help this little soul reach his full potential, we are trying to love and discipline in proper balance, help and let go in the right proportion. In the end parenting is a guessing game and a calculated risk, let's hope we make the calcuations correctly. I love you little man. You and your sister are my heart.

Birthdays and Such

Last Thursday was my birthday, since we have had children I don't really consider my birthday that big of a deal, I will use it to get extra hugs and cuddles, but usually I am not influenced too much with what happens on that day. Last Thursday was rough - both kids were sick (just colds but it still results in some extra care and whining) then out of the blue the weather gets rainy and cold, then Mimi had to go to the doctor for her monthly weight check - and on and on and on. So I pretended that my birthday was Saturday instead, that worked much better, my best friend spent some time snuggling our babies and Sam and I headed to Joey's at the mall for some pupus and drinks...we had a lovely time and even talked about something other than our babies.

Camping with the kids (or Live and Learn)

So we took the kids camping this weekend, please remember they are 2 1/2 and 14 months. I thought we did really good, they weathered the hour and a half drive with minimal whining and only one stop for diaper changes (really mommy had to pee). The first day was devine, I swear the temp must have been at lease 100 so we spent the next 7 hours at the lake, the kids had a blast and we managed to stay cool....and the rest of the night would have been just as great had we not tried to sleep with 2 toddlers in one tent on one queen sized air mattress.....all they wanted to do was wake each other up, so the next morning with about 3 hours of sleep we packed up and attempted the lake again, by about noon the kids had had it - so home we went, not bad for our first attempt...we had a great time and we know alot more for next time.......

Adirondack Stone Works - Kekoa

One would think that after 2 years an almost 33 year old would be able to bury her dog, her friend, her first baby....how sad is it that I wasn't. My husband has been all over me to bury poor Kekoa, somehow I knew I wasn't ready...then I saw the beautiful stone memorials at Adirondack Stone Works online here and thought that might help. In two days I had received the most beautifully engraved stone that simply said "Kekoa". I could not find words to describe what he had been to me in life so I thought that a simple marker would be best.

I was surprised that the stone was so heavy - I guess I thought it was going to be thinner or something, it is substantial, please see the photo....the process was still difficult, but now I know that he will be remembered, simply and beautifully, Thank You so much to everyone at Adirondack for helping me set my beloved Kekoa free.

Let the good times roll

I am officially at home for my second week as a stay at home mom, it has been wonderful, I am happier, the kids are happier, my husband is happier, life is good. If I can only find a way to make a little extra money so that we can be a little more comfortable I would be a much happier mama - but if God leads me to it, he will lead me through it....so I am looking and praying and loving my babies as only I can...

SAHM

It is official, 2 days ago I gave my notice at work (where I have been for over 5 years) and my husband and I decided I am going to be a stay at home mom. I will be home with our 2 1/2 year old son and our 1 year old daughter during the day. I am going to attempt to chronicle our journey on this blog. In order to afford this, one of us will need a part time night job (so if you know of anyone hiring in the Seattle area) and we will need to severely cut our expenses - but we believe we can do it (and we believe it will be fun) and the best possible thing for our children....stay tuned - life is what you make it and we are going to rock it out.

One year Check up and First Skirt

Camille turned one on April 23rd but we went to her one year checkup yesterday. Since Johanna has been watching her I have watched my little girl flourish, she has gained 11 oz in 3 months and while that sounds promising her doctor is still concerned that she isn't gaining more (I am pretty sure she has put that entire 11 oz on in the last month or so since Jojo has had her) so we will return to the doctors office in 6 weeks for a reweigh and start giving her whole milk to see if we can fatten her up.

Other than that, she is beautiful, perfect and saying plenty of words (they hope for 2 words by age 1). She wore her first skirt last weekend, and I just had to put up at least one picture of the red and white polka dotted wonder....and at least one of an angel sleeping. Hope you enjoy the flicks - more soon

Mother's Day

Today is the day we use to celebrate mothers everywhere, tonight I sit here and was reminded that as mothers we share a bond, one of love, and hope and dreaming. As I sit here typing and my family sleeps I think of all mothers, of my mother - the best mother anyone could ever ask for and an inspiration to me, of Kelle, a mother I know only through blogging who has taught me that life may not always be what we ask for or what we think we want, but in the end it usually ends up being exactly what we need, of other mothers who have done the best they could with what they had to give at the time, and I am reminded that there is no perfection except love.

Any mother who loves with all of her heart and soul, who breathes for her children and hopes for wonderful things for them, is the perfect mother. And so tonight I say to every mother everywhere, Happy Mother's Day - you are doing a wonderful job.

Carbon Neutral

In reading a friend's blog today I found this little gem of a site that will make your blog carbon neutral by planting a tree for each blog registered - sounds good to us - you?

Thank You!

I was reading a post today at one of my all time favorite blogs see it here and it reminded me to be thankful - as her blog so often does.

With all of the insanity in the world I need look no farther than our couch on a rainy day to find the reason I do it all.
My husband is an incredible, loving, artistic man who has so much patience with me sometimes I wonder where he gets it.
My 2 1/2 year old son is wise beyond his years and really astounds me with some of the things he says (Example: "It is exquisite", to which I reply "What is exquisite son" and he says "IT means very special mom")
My one year old daughter is a wonder, I am amazed every day by her new accomplishments.

It is so humbling to look at your children and see how much they grow and how much a part you play in their lives, and so today, I am thankful that I get to be in the story of their amazing lives.

Our Rockstar

Things have been crazy in our house - but through the craziness we have found our rockstar. Johanna - you are amazing, the children love you, they are exhausted at the end of the day and best of all they are so happy. Just wanted to take a minute and let you know how much we love you. Here are some "better late than never" Easter etc pictures....have a great week.

Sadness and Growth

No pictures this time - I can't find the USB cable for my camera - I will put finding it at the top of my to do list.

Our family has been going through a bit of a hard time, someone we love is sick and we cannot help them, my kids won't be spending their days with Grandma anymore, it is sad for them and I don't think they fully understand it but hopefully some day they will.

Our good friend Johanna has taken in our beautiful children, Dante provides a playmate for her son who is just 15 days older and Camille provides a nice balance of girlness, or she will once she gets used to the idea and stops crying. Poor Mimi, she is more like me than I thought, we both HATE change.

My loving husband keeps telling me that there are no problems just bigger solutions, and I couldn't ask for a more supportive spouse. Thank You honey for all you do for us. That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.

Here's hoping out of any sadness you feel, growth will sprout.

Sunny and 70ish

So Yesterday was one of those days, one of the few spring days that tease us about the summer that is to come..we spent hours in our local park, with a little picnic and a few close friends, it was sunny, it was glorious, it was ALMOST summer.

Summer is Coming

With the springing forward comes an anticipation that is unmatched during the year. Yes, we may look forward to Christmas, or a birthday, or one time or another, but the anticipation of Summer is different.

Growing up in Hawaii I never experienced this longing the way I do now as an adult in Seattle. Sure, I was excited for school to be done, but I didn't understand the waiting with bated breath for the mercury to hit 70. Now that I have children, I try to instill in them appreciation for the days that are to come.

Days where we come home from work and still have hours to laze in our blow up pool and fully appreciate the joy of our children. With summer comes something very special....time. Time to enjoy the look on my children's face when the sprinkler cold water hits their sun warmed body, to cook on the BBQ and not have to banish them from a kitchen that holds stoves and pots that are too hot, time to just sit and watch them be children.

So for summer, expect posts full of happy, tan children having fun and parents soaking it all in like the sun.