It has been months since I have posted, not sure anyone reads the posts anyway, but I felt compelled to write. First, I read a post by Kelle, then I felt the urge to purge my feelings into this blog. My first born child, my sweet, sensitive, rough and tumble little boy is going to be 3 on Saturday, and for some reason it just hit me and I am surging with a range of emotions. Sadness - can the little baby that taught me about motherhood and uncompromising love really not be a baby anymore? Pride - this little soul is so kind and caring, always praising a good job, whether it is his sister saying a word for the first time or a man on our neighborhood walk painting a boat. Unexpressable Love - 'nough said, and a little bit of fear - how do I know that what I am doing to mold and shape him is right? How do I sleep assured that he will continue to care about others, to be a responsible steward of this earth ("that box is recycle mom" as I go to throw something away) and know that we love him more than we ever thought possible?
I guess we never know, so this is where faith comes in. His father and I are doing the best job we can to help this little soul reach his full potential, we are trying to love and discipline in proper balance, help and let go in the right proportion. In the end parenting is a guessing game and a calculated risk, let's hope we make the calcuations correctly. I love you little man. You and your sister are my heart.
