Horrible

That is how I will describe my first Skype with my babies....I had a good day at the new job training, got to know a couple of the people, was so excited to come home, turned on the computer and waited for the familiar sound of Skype requesting my attention. I was so excited..there on the screen were my two beautiful children being held by my wonderful husband. Then my daughter saw me. She immediatley started to cry and say "up mama" requesting that I pick her up. I faltered and started to cry - then with a gentle reminder from my husband I put on a happy face but nothing seemed to work, what had I done to her - my son would barely talk to me....what had I done to him? We kept the conversation short and I attempted to drown my guilt in a hot bath but here I am pruned and still feeling guilty. Guilt - my cross to bear as a mom. Maybe now I will go to bed.